The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands – Book Review

The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands

Synopsis:

This book is based on two primary principles: first, men are simple, and second, a good man is hard to find but not to keep.  Taken from years of experience from callers to her radio program, Dr. Laura puts forth basic guidelines to keeping a good man in a marriage or a relationship.  Though the focus is on keeping a marriage awesome, much also applies to other relationship levels.  It is important to note that the philosophy in this book is rooted in the fact that the man in said relationship/marriage is a Good Guy with a grounded set of values.  It won’t fix or tame a Bad Boy.  It might turn a Nice Guy into a Good Guy, however, provided the Nice Guy is willing to grow.

It also establishes that when it comes to the relationships and the home, women rule.  The book shows how women can rule lovingly and wisely.  Specific ways of approaching their interactions with men yield magical, positive changes.  Dr. Laura states, “Women need to understand that the men in their relationship are very dependent upon them for acceptance, approval, and affection.”

One thing that struck me about this book is the parallel to men turning into or becoming Nice Guys in a marriage or relationship.  The women get bored with the men because they change into the Nice Guy and are not the same guy doing the things that attracted them in the first place.  The same happens to a guy in terms of how they see their woman when she stops being a girl and no longer emphasizes being the very feminine figure he was once so attracted to.

The book highlights situations women find themselves in during a typical marriage that can chase their man away.

• White Rabbit Syndrome
• Hurried Woman Syndrome
• Wife Mode versus Mother Mode
• Frump Syndrome
• The World Is Only On My Shoulders Syndrome
• Nagging
• Men Have Feelings? Really? You’re Kidding?
• What’s Sex?
• A Man Should Be Respected In His Own Home
• Why Women Regret Marrying Nice Guys: it puts the women in control and eventually makes the men look weak
• Guy Time

50 Dates at 50 Take:

This book captures everything women need to know about good men.  It will not apply to narcissistic men.  It also takes a very conservative approach for women on how to deal with men.  It does not attempt to revise thousands of years of evolution.  It recognizes traditional gender roles and why each role is attractive to the other.  I have not read any book that comes even close to how men naturally think and approach things.  If there is a woman who truly understands men, it’s Dr. Laura.

Why You Need to Read It:

Men need to read this in order to understand the type of woman they are looking for.  If you’re a Good Guy, you’ll attract a good woman.  How good men and good women treat each other in successful relationships is spelled out very plainly in this book.  Women need to read this book to understand how a good man thinks and what makes him a masculine man whom women want.   Feminists will probably not agree with many things in the book due to its traditional point of view, but it will help them understand men.  Be aware if you get the Audible version, you’ll be missing a large portion of the example situations from callers that add helpful context.

Chapter 6 on Sex:

I remember hearing a lot of feedback on Dr. Laura’s show around this chapter.  It emphasizes the importance of the intimate relationship.  This is where a man feels closest to his woman.  (This does not apply to bad boys, jerks, or narcissistic men.)  If a woman wants to know how real men feel about sex and intimacy, chapter 6 spells it all out.  No stone is left unturned.

Quotes:

Written for marriages, these are typical of how Good Men, Good Guys and 50 Dater men think.

“When a wife behaves sexily, handles herself alluringly, and by the way she looks at her husband, touches him, and talks to him conveys her interest, love, respect, and attraction; frankly, he’ll go anywhere and do anything and slay all dragons for his family.”   (This is 1000% correct!)

“Obviously, one reason the fangs may come out quickly is that many women, who have cycled through too many intimate relationships, shack-ups, and marriages, have developed a well of pain and disappointment.  They don’t want to be hurt… again.  They become hypersensitive and take quick leaps into misassumptions.”   (These misassumptions reveal themselves very, very quickly in online dating.)

“Your basic male is a decent creature with simple desires: to be his wife’s hero, to be his wife’s dream lover, to be the protector and provider for his family, to be respected, admired, and appreciated.  Men live to make their women happy.”

“What attracts men to women is their femininity, and femininity isn’t only about appearance, it’s also about behaviors.”

“Women expect their men to be understanding about them not being in the mood for sex.  But women need to reciprocate that understanding and not be critical when their husbands desire them.  Likewise, they need to get into their heads that their husbands are not just “wantin’ some,” they are desiring closeness with and acceptance by them!”  (This is so simple and so powerfully true.  Again, this applies strictly to good men.  Not nice guys, jerks or narcissists.)