Question:
My girlfriend broke up with me by text message. She said it was because she didn’t want a relationship right now. This came out of nowhere, so I texted her to see if we could talk in person, and she has not responded. I have texted her some more and left voicemails. I really need to talk to her. Should I just leave it alone or keep trying to contact her to see why she isn’t responding?
– Mark, 49, Los Angeles, CA
Answer:
Mark,
You need to drop it and move on immediately. The clues in your question tell me it’s likely the two of you have a completely different definition of what a girlfriend is. You’re exhibiting textbook Nice Guy behavior, and you probably came on too strong by professing your feelings for her. Since she broke up with you by text, she either has no class, or you’ve only been dating for a very short while. Most likely, it’s the latter. It’s very common for men to think they have a girlfriend when they only have been out on two or three dates. If she dumped you in this time frame, doing it by text is okay. Anything more than three dates and she should at least talk to you.
However, either way, you need to get over it. I don’t blame her for not wanting to talk in person. Like most men, you’ll probably beg her for another chance, and this is unattractive behavior. You may even end up getting mad and creating a scene, which is also common, and this is what leads most women to avoid in-person break-ups.
The truth is, Mark, that the only way to really understand what you did is to grow from being a Nice Guy into being a Good Guy. Growth is an ugly thing to work through, but in the end, you’ll laugh at yourself when you look back, and you’ll be glad you made the effort. Personal growth allows you to make mistakes, learn from them, and not repeat them. So your first step is to read No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover. Listen to the Audible version while commuting if you don’t have time to read. Once you do, you’ll be able to easily look back and understand where you went wrong in almost all of your past dating relationships and marriage(s). This website also has plenty of reference materials to help you be a better dater and a Good Guy.
Having the abundance mentality is another crucial step for you. You need to understand that there are a whole lot of fish in the sea. Get out there and start dating some other gals–not just one, but several! Most women you meet in a dating situation will not be “The One.” Embrace this and use it as a chance to grow and become a better dater. Dating several women at the same time is actually very easy and not as time-consuming as you think. Since most won’t work out, it gives you good practice, so you’ll have your act together when the right one comes along. This is dating with purpose, not to be confused with serial dating.
Note that these points also apply to women. Gals, don’t be afraid to date more than one guy at a time in your quest to find the right one!
– Paul
