Keynote Concepts

Keynote Concepts For 50 Daters

The initial idea behind 50 Dates was to create a place for people to share dating stories. If you set up an average of two new dates per month, that’s 26 per year. After four years, you can exceed 100. Each of those meetups has a story.

In the early days, there are a lot of one-and-done meetups. This is due to the learning curve involved with online dating. In online dating, you have to acquire many skills. This starts with writing a good profile and having great pictures taken. Next is learning how to properly communicate through the website or app interface. Then you have to pull the trigger: ask for the date and set up the logistics.  At the date, you must demonstrate you’ve got your act together and can hold a good in-person conversation. If things go well, you get a second date and so on. You need to get proficient with each interval before you can successfully move to the next one. This requires lots of trial and error, which means lots of rejection. 

I personally got to the point where I embraced rejection. It was like a classroom with enough success along the way to keep me busy. I figured I could use the skills I’d learned to teach other men how to be more successful at online dating. The website moved in that direction.

However, the more dating I did, the more I really began the see the big picture. Many people find dates online, but few, it seems, are able to find quality partners. Many of the women I met while dating had very strong opinions regarding dating. They had some great stories. Things were just not what they used to be! This showed me where the true need was for this website.

There are many dating websites and apps that help match up singles in all age groups. In our age group (40’s, 50’s and 60’s), most of us are getting second chances to find a quality person to be with. As such, 50 Dates at 50 is about learning from our life experience, growing into better people and better daters, understanding what it is to be relationship ready, and keeping long-term relationships fresh and strong. In a successful dating relationship, two people who are growth-minded and open to making small tweaks that help them become the ideal couple find and commit to each other.

50 Dates at 50 was launched in July of 2020 after twenty-plus months and with the help of four web developers.

-Paul Nelson

  • Thou shalt not fish off the company pier.
  • Thou shalt not fish for dates at thy house of worship.
  • Thou shalt not flirt with a friend’s partner.
  • Thou shalt not date a friend’s ex.
  • Thou shalt not date a friend’s sibling.
  • Thou shalt not wreck a home in the process of finding a partner.
  • When taking dance lessons, thou shalt not hit on class participants or instructors. (Men Specifically)
  • When at the fitness center, thou shalt not hit on the others who are working out. (Men Specifically)
  • If thou art a man, thou shalt pay for the first date.
  • Thou shalt not discuss exes.
  • Thou shalt not discuss politics.
  • Thou shalt not discuss religion.
  • Thou shalt not discuss medical histories.
  • Thou shalt not discuss money.
  • Thou shalt not discuss sex.
  • Thou shalt not discuss the weather.
  • Thou shalt not discuss depressing subjects.
  • Thou shalt not brag.
  • Thou shalt not name-drop.
  • Thou shalt not date if there is any chance of getting back together with an ex. (This is a huge problem)
  • Thou shalt not rush into the second date.
  • Thou shalt have a 45-minute phone conversation before meeting up.
  • Thou shalt silence thy phone during thy date.
  • Thou shalt make conversation using stories.
  • Thou shalt keep initial meetup dates to 60 to 90 minutes maximum.
  • Thou shalt keep subsequent dates to two or three hours maximum.
  • If mutual attraction is not there, thou shalt move on quickly.
  • Thou shalt not ghost after the second date.
  • Thou shalt know how to break up appropriately.
  • Thou shalt trust thy gut. If something does not feel right, it probably is not.
  • Thou shalt not ask for the next date at the end of a current date. (Men)
  • A 50 Dater man always conducts himself with class. He honors a woman’s requests and is aware that chivalry is not dead. 
  • A 50 Dater man earns trust by demonstrating integrity. He lives by his word. His word is his bond.
  • A 50 Dater man is ready to learn from his mistakes and grow into a better person.
  • A 50 Dater man never blows up a woman’s phone with text messages and voicemails. He never under any circumstances sends negative text messages, emails, or voicemails.
  • While 50 Dater men believe they may be great catches, that does not necessarily translate into a certain woman thinking so. 50 Dater men are humbly confident, and they, too, will not settle for less.
  • A 50 Dater man never attempts to selfishly take a woman off the dating market by locking her down in a relationship. 
  • 50 Dater men are leaders but understand that women have veto power. If she breaks up with you, you absolutely respect her choice. 
  • A 50 Dater man never begs.
  • 50 Dater men live by the Richard Bach quote, “If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they’re yours; if they don’t, they never were.” In dating, you create a bond made by choice. If either in a true relationship is ever given the choice to leave, they stay.
  • A 50 Dater man understands that courting a woman never stops, not ever.
  1. There is no such thing as one just one soulmate for each of us. If you go out on 100 different dates, you’ll run across at least three to five really great candidates. You have to be ready when you meet them.
  2. Dating more than one person at a time is nothing more than testing the waters and solves many problems.
    1. It eliminates Oneitis. (see the Glossary)
    2. It creates confidence.
    3. It eliminates the fear of rejection.
    4. It allows you to be yourself.
    5. You should also never tell your date you’re doing this. It’s better to keep them wondering.  However, dating more than one person at a time stops the moment you become intimate.
  3. Rejection is your friend.
    1. The faster you get rejected, the better. Embrace it.
    2. Dating more than one person at a time will eventually conquer the fear of rejection.
  4. Dating several men/women at a time is easy and not time-consuming if approached correctly.
    1. Keep good written notes after dates.
    2. Understand that phone and texts are for date logistics.
    3. Save conversations for in person.
    4. Keep dates short.
    5. Keep calls at least three days apart. Five to seven days is better.
    6. For men, date women who choose you.
  5. Dating is a learned skillset.
    1. Most people are not willing to grow to be better daters.
    2. Growth means pain and suffering during the learning process.
  6. Dating is supposed to be fun!
    1. There is a difference between fun and funny.
    2. Many men believe they must be capable of comedian level humor to be funny. Not so.  All you need is a good sense of humor and a fun attitude.
    3. If you’re not a comedian, don’t worry about it. Be fun to be with and plan fun dates.
  7. Dating with purpose is a tough sell.
    1. It means dating more than one person at time to test the waters.
    2. Serial dating and dating with purpose are not the same thing.
    3. People who date with purpose get put in the enigma column by others because they know what they want.
    4. They’re willing to date many people to find the right person.
  8. Finding dates is easy. Finding someone who is willing to grow and who has the same mindset takes work and lots of it.
  9. Many in the dating pool carry an enormous amount of baggage that makes them unable to truly function in any type of relationship. You need to be able to quickly identify these people and move past them so you can find quality candidates.
  10. Most daters are not patient. Online dating makes it falsely appear that the bigger better deal is just around the corner, just a few swipes away.
    1. You must progress quickly to set up a phone call and date.
    2. You must practice Right Swipe Discipline (see the Glossary)
  • Be aware of the reality of the heights of men in America. Roughly 15% are 6’ or taller. Many women cut their search parameters off at 6’ or taller. By doing so, they eliminate 85% of potential suitors. The height of the average American male is 5’9”. Open your search up to men shorter than 6’ to meet more prospective matches. Remember, it’s a numbers game.
  • Keep your list of dealbreakers to between three and five in number.  Any more than that, and you’ll be single for many, many years to come.
  • Stop using the “college degree” filter as a dealbreaker. You’re missing out on many successful entrepreneurs and self-made men. Lower it to “some college.” 
  • Stop using “correctables” as dealbreakers. Correctables are those things you can help him with, like style and grooming. 
  • Instead of continuing to hold out for that leader, why not help develop one? 50 Dater men are growth-oriented and can be developed. Many are on the cusp of something great. With the encouragement of a good woman, a 50 Dater man can grow into the successful leader you’re looking for.  When you help develop a leader, you get to go along for the ride.
  • While it is true that the vast majority of men are set in their ways, growth-oriented men can and will make adjustments. They are willing to put themselves out there and take that risk—to stumble, fall, learn, and then get back up and move past it.
  • If you’re a successful businesswoman by day, you need to turn that off when you’re with your date. You need to let him lead. If you take the lead, you will eventually not like the result. He will end up being the follower (feminine), and you’ll be the leader (masculine), and you’ll ultimately resent him for it.
  • Stop with the “he needs to make more money than me” filter. A good 50 Dater man prides himself in being self-sufficient and is not jealous or resentful that you make more money than he does. He will gladly create great dates for the two of you within his means. He knows it’s about quality time for the two of you. There may be dates you’d like to go on beyond his fiscal abilities; this is not a problem. You ask him out for those dates. He’ll respect that. A 50 Dater man will not ever ask you for money. Why? Because he can hold his own and has the determination to obtain it on his own.
  • When meeting a man on a date, wear a dress if possible. If you live in Green Bay, Wisconsin, this may not be workable during the winter. 
  • Acknowledge and appreciate your date. Let him know verbally. Men need to hear it. If you don’t say anything, he will most likely think you’re not interested.