Dating Glossary

Dating Glossary

There are many new terms used in dating and relationships these days, especially in regards to online dating.  You can find definitions for most of these terms by scanning the Internet, but they are scattered all over.  This glossary puts the terms and their definitions under one roof for quick reference.  New terms are added on a regular basis. If we’re missing one you think should be here, send us a note, and we’ll add it.

Abundance Mindset – An attitude where one honestly believes that there is more than enough to go around.  In dating, this means believing that there are plenty of available, high-quality men and women who have good relationship potential.  When you have this mindset, it allows you to be yourself and to more easily close out past relationships, opening you up to new relationship possibilities.  This is also known as Abundance Mentality.  50 Daters seek to gain this mindset.

Acquaintanceship Meeting – The first in-person meeting between a man and a woman who have met online.  It takes place at a neutral location and is a half-date at best.  Acquaintanceship meetings usually happen over a cup of coffee or a glass of wine.  They last for around 60 to 90 minutes.  The specific focus is on conversing and on getting a good read on each other’s dating potential.  The time usually provides both parties with enough detail to decide if there is mutual interest in a follow-up date.

Bad Boy – One of three types of men. Initially very attractive to women, they tend to be very self-centered and have no remorse about using others to advance themselves.  They look to take shortcuts or take on risk at the expense of others.  They are not interested in establishing any value in a relationship.  At first, these negative characteristics can be confused by women for a high level of confidence.  Once infatuation wears off and the layers are peeled back, women see that this type of guy is really a house of cards. (See Good Guy and Nice Guy.)

BBD (Bigger Better Deal) – A superficial frame of mind where a man or woman views their current dating relationship like a pro tem placeholder, while in truth, they are still in search for someone that has more to offer.

Begging – A response used mostly by men asking for a second chance after they get dumped.  This negatively affects the beggar’s long-term attractiveness.  Men don’t trust other men who beg, as it is the ultimate form of weakness and shows lack of character.  Likewise, a woman should not trust a man who begs her to take him back.  Begging often happens after a man gets back out into the dating pool and flops attempting to find a new gal.  The man fails to see that, if the woman takes him back, she will treat him differently than before.  This is due to a subconscious loss of respect.  The man will eventually get dumped again when the woman finds a worthy replacement.  When it’s a woman begging a man to take her back, it is almost irresistible for the man not to do so. At least temporarily, he will ask himself, “What would Christian Grey do with this opportunity?”

Benching – A form of dating or text messaging limbo where someone strings another person along.  Benching takes place when a person has become uncertain about their feelings or interest level towards the other person and creates distance in order to reevaluate.  This can be due to a social violation that took place or a better dating option that has come along.  The bencher generally takes a passive approach towards interactions and allows the benchie to initiate contact.  It’s called “benching” because of its similarity to a sports team putting a player on the bench due to poor play, bad attitude, not showing up for practice, or not following the game plan.  In dating, benching is a sneaky form of ghosting.  It offers the bencher plausible deniability if they do cross paths with the benchie.

Bitter – An adverse quality some men and women show towards the opposite sex after the breakup of a long relationship or marriage. The bitterness is deeply harbored.  It manifests itself in a person reflecting the negative aspects of their previous failed relationship(s) onto their new relationship.

Blowing Up the Phone – An act, mostly committed by insecure men, where one leaves multiple text messages or voicemails in succession.  This marvel can take place as early as the guy asking the gal out for the first time, or at the end when she eventually dumps him.  The messages attempt to clarify and/or apologize.  They often include some sort of begging, which is a very unattractive behavior.  The begging aspect may temporarily entice the woman; however, the dynamic between them will never be the same afterward.  The woman will perceive the man as being weak, and lack of respect will eventually lead to the man being dumped again.  An excellent example is the answering machine meltdown in the 1996 movie “Swingers.”

Bread Crumbing – The act of stringing a conversation along through text messaging or dating app/website messaging interfaces.  It’s a tactic employed equally by men and women to keep a conversation alive when they have too many things on their plate, are dating too many people at the same time, or both.  It is recognizable in short messages spaced several hours to few days apart that are vague in nature.  It may be used to keep a secondary dating option in case the primary option falls through.  While Players are able to effectively use this tactic, Nice Guys, in general, are very vulnerable to it since the crumbs give them false hope.

Broken Date – An occurrence where a woman contacts a man to let him know she is unable to make it to a planned date. The cancellation usually takes place within the two- to four-hour window before the date is to commence and is received in the form of a text message containing either no excuse or a highly dubious one. Dubious excuses include a friend’s pet getting sick, her being too tired to meet, etc. Note that men should accept any excuse involving the kids of a single mom—period. Additionally, if the excuse given is plausible and followed with a counteroffer, it doesn’t count as a broken date. (Although it does not happen often, men do break dates. Women should treat this as a caution flag. Players have no problems breaking dates.)

Bromance – A natural competitive kinship men have with each other, in a non-sexual way.  Golfing friends, sport fisherman, and drinking buddies are examples of men having a bromantic relationship.  This mindset may subconsciously carry over when writing dating profiles.  This is why most men write their dating profiles in a way that would impress other men, with toys, accomplishments, and status symbols used as a means to one-up the next guy.

Bumble – A popular dating app that gives women a high degree of control in their interactions with men.  App users are presented with profiles that use up to six pictures and 300 characters.  They swipe right on a picture if they are interested or left if they are not interested.  Mutual right swipes create a connection that is open for 24 hours, during which the woman can accept the match or let it expire.  This app is commonly mischaracterized in the media as being one where women make the first move.  This is a half-truth. Once a match takes place, the woman decides if she wants to move the interaction forward just by saying hello or asking a question.  This allows her to interact with men at her own pace instead of getting an endless bombardment of new messages.  (Expired matches eventually come up again for a potential mutual rematch.)  Once the woman says hello, it’s up to the man to carry the conversation. This app is great because the connections that form tend to have a higher degree of mutual interest.

Catch and Release –The act of dating with no specific purpose other than to feed one’s ego.  Many non-committal singles attract and meet with someone they’ve met online and then throw them back into the dating pool to pursue a new attraction.  It’s all about the chase: think of it as sport fishing for daters.  This is similar to Serial Dating.

Call to Confirm – A call a few hours before the date commences where a man confirms that his date will show up.  This displays a man’s lack of confidence in his dating skills and is very popular with Nice Guys.  A Call to Confirm is the result of being stood up on one or more occasions in the past.  50 Dater men don’t need to call to confirm on the day of the date, as they are confident from the outset that their date will show up.  Many women find Call to Confirm extremely useful for keeping Nice Guys hanging on as a backup plan while they wait for the men they are genuinely interested in to ask them out.  50 Dater men do not accept Call to Confirm requests and will politely withdraw their date offers. See “Maybe Date.”

Candy Store Effect – A phenomenon that both men and women succumb to when using online dating websites or smartphone dating apps. Initially, new users to online dating are overwhelmed with what they perceive to be endless options.  It’s like going to Candy Parlor at Knott’s Berry Farm.  There are several rows of different candies from which to choose.  When you walk in, you first see the red licorice whips.  As you walk toward the licorice, you’re distracted by the variety of gummy bears.  Then the jellybeans, sour cherries, circus peanuts, and Swedish fish distract you.  By the time you see the Swedish fish, you’ve completely forgotten about the red licorice whips.  This cycle repeats itself. Many never outgrow it and are stuck in dating purgatory. They lose interest in many conversations because they start thinking that each new person is the one.  The Candy Store Effect is why a majority of interactions stall or end on dating websites or apps.

Catfishing – The creation and usage of a fake dating profile for misleading and/or fraudulent purposes.  Some fake profiles are created by lonely people seeking companionship or entertainment, while others use stolen identities or hijacked profiles for nefarious purposes, such as obtaining money.  Online dating service providers have gotten pretty good at identifying and eliminating fake profiles from their websites and apps.  Catfishers are always mysteriously unavailable for phone calls or meetings in person. 50 Daters know to use Dating Rule 3-1-1 to end any potential catfishing.

Cause-playing – The act of contacting an ex and asking for a favor, usually in the form of supporting, attending, or donating to an event or cause the asker is involved in.  In some cases, it is a legitimately innocent request; most of the time, though, it’s a disguised attempt to reconnect.

Cognitive Distortions – False beliefs caused by a person reading things into a situation that are not there.  In dating, this can stop a guy from asking a gal out.  Cognitive distortions can also develop when a dating couple are not together for a period of time or after a person has a couple of dates that go nowhere.  It’s easy to get into a negative funk where you project previous negative dating experiences onto the next scheduled date.  Cognitive distortions may manifest as all-or-nothing thinking, overgeneralizing, focusing on negative details, disqualifying the positive, jumping to conclusions, and emotional reasoning.

Collecting Likes – The process of creating a dating queue. “Like” collections are similar to money in the bank that can be used on a rainy day. Collecting “likes” is extremely popular on Tinder, where the vast majority of users appear to be there to collect as many “likes” as possible.  This focus on the “like” collection process depresses willingness to start an actual conversation, creating a disappointing app experience.

Comma – A misunderstood punctuation mark that can completely change the meaning of a sentence in a text message or email. Example: “Let’s eat, Jill.” vs. “Let’s eat Jill.” The first one communicates an innocent lunch date invitation.  The second one, without the comma, refers to Jill being lunch or creates a potential double entendre.

Counteroffer – A response a woman may give when she is asked out on a date or when she cancels a previously scheduled date. In this response, she lets the man know what other days or times she is available to meet him.  A counteroffer demonstrates a high level of interest.  Example: “Due to a co-worker’s absence at work, I have to stay later and am unable to meet you.  I’m sorry for the last-minute notice.”  This message signals a broken date demonstrating a lack of interest.  However, if a counteroffer is added to the end of the message—“I am available to meet on Wednesday or Thursday evening.” —it indicates that she is still interested.  Any cancellation message a man receives without a counteroffer tells him all he needs to know.  Most men follow the three-strike rule and attempt to ask the woman out a couple more times.  50 Dater men know better.  They politely move on.

Cruise Ship Romance – The temporary and unintentional alteration of one’s dating attraction level, occurring equally in both men and women.  Singles meeting on cruise ship trips is the adult equivalent of summer camp romances from the teen years.  The alteration happens whenever a group of people are closed off to the outside world for some time.  Romances that develop under this condition tend to end shortly after the group gets back to daily life in the outside world.  The phenomenon is best explained in this scene of the Tina Fey movie Whisky Tango Foxtrot, where Fey, playing the part of a journalist in Afghanistan, gets the lowdown on how attraction changes due to location and circumstances: Also well explained in the 4-10-4 discussion with Billy Bob Thornton:

Curving – The tortured art of slowly letting someone know by text message that your interest in dating them is very low.  Curving is recognizable in text messages that are consistently one to three words with responses spaced a day or two apart.  Women use this in an attempt to let men down easy, but it produces the opposite effect. Because most men are unable to read the signs, curving gives them false hope.  Most guys overcompensate by increasing the size of their text messages or by blowing up a woman’s phone with lots of messages.

Cushioning – The act of contacting and setting up a date with someone new before breaking up with a current boyfriend or girlfriend.  Cushioning makes breaking up much more palatable and creates a condition that makes it much easier to move on after the breakup takes place.

Cyrano de Bergerac (The) – A term used to describe a form of “bait and switch” that takes place in online dating, from page 72 of Rachel Greewald’s book Why He Didn’t Call You Back. This is where there is a complete disconnect between a person’s spirited online persona versus the introverted and timid person who shows up for your date. The name comes from the so-titled play written in 1897 by Edomond Rostand. The play depicts Cyrano de Bergerac, a nobleman in the French Army who is gifted at poetry. Cyrano also has an extremely large nose and is deeply embarrassed by it. He is in love with Roxane, but ashamed to approach her because of his nose. Fellow cadet Christian falls for Roxane. He asks Cyrano for his help writing love letters to her. Cyrano agrees and pours his true feelings into the letters for Roxane in Christian’s name. Roxane falls for Christian as a result of Cyrano’s words. At one point, Christian no longer wants Cyrano’s assistance. He nearly blows it with Roxane when he fails to live up to the high poetic expression standard Cyrano set for him. The Steve Martin/Daryl Hannah movie Roxanne is based on this play.

Dating Hibernation – The act of taking a break from dating due to the holiday season.  Many singles use this to avoid awkward situations at potential dates’ family gatherings.  Dating hibernation between Thanksgiving and the New Year is a good dating practice, as most people don’t have time to date someone new then.  It is also common for single men to practice this as a way to save money on Christmas and Valentine’s Day gifts.

Dating Profile – A general sales pitch on a dating app or website that describes a single person’s personality, interests, and dating potential.  It is used by women to disqualify men as future dates.  Without realizing it, men tend to write their dating profiles for an audience of other men, in a bromantically braggadocious fashion that attempts to one-up the next guy, with the shirtless selfie being the icing on the cake.

Dating Profile Syndrome – A condition similar to Stockholm Syndrome where female readers, after using online dating tools for a long period of time, become interested in cliché profiles laden with paragraphs of empty calories.  Sufferers will answer “Yes” to any of the following questions:

  • Are you excited about a man’s motorcycle, boat, or 4×4?
  • Are you drawn to profiles that feature a shirtless, unshaven bathroom mirror selfie with the toilet seat up in the background?
  • After reading twenty profiles, does sacrificing 90 minutes of your life to view Raspberry award-winning movies like Howard the Duck, The Adventures of Ford Fairlane, or Mannequin suddenly become appealing?

Also see “Romance Inequality.”

Dating Rule 3-1-1 – A rule that helps 50 Daters use online dating tools to quickly identify and meet with those who have good dating potential.  The rule has three steps:

  • Three back and forth message exchanges through the website or app interface
  • One 45-minute phone call
  • One meetup for coffee or a glass of wine for 45-60 minutes

Dating with Purpose – The act of actively looking for a compatible person who has good relationship potential.  Those who Date with Purpose are open to meeting and dating more than one person at a time, similar to an interview process.  50 Daters know that time is valuable and that most people you meet online are not datable.  Most dates won’t last longer than one meetup and maybe one or two additional dates.  Dating with Purpose is often confused with but is completely the opposite of Serial Dating.

Dationship – A circumstantial, grey-area dating relationship where both people know that they are not the One.  It is more than just dating but is not a serious relationship.

Dial-toning – Giving someone your phone number knowing full well that you will not respond when they contact you.

Differentiation – A state in which a person maintains who they are as a person even when naturally compelled to adjust to please the person they are dating.  Example: Drummer in a band meets a girl at a gig. He falls in love with the girl and quits the band to please her.  The drummer lacks differentiation and, in the end, winds up with no band or girlfriend. Playing drums in the band is what makes him attractive to the girl. Once he quits, she loses interest in him.  This is the opposite of Fusion.

Dinner and a Movie – The most common and unimaginative first date approach.  Packing your face with food makes it difficult to have a flirty conversation, while most movies kill any romantic vibe.  50 Dater men and women understand that activity dates are what create romance.  Dinner and a Movie is okay after a couple has been out on ten or so dates.

DM – A “direct message” or a private message with a person on a social media platform.  This is not to be confused with a “Dungeon Master” in Dungeons & Dragons.

Dogfishing – A tactic used in dating profiles where one adds a picture posing with an adorable dog that does not belong to them.  This approach is used mostly by men who want to increase their profile appeal to women.  This is similar to borrowing a friend’s dog to take for a walk at the park or beach.  The dog is an extremely effective ice breaker.

Double Entendre – A word or phrase that has two meanings. One meaning is innocent, and the other is sexual.  This is most commonly used by men to push a conversation in a sexual direction.  The double entendre allows for a rather precarious fallback position to the innocent meaning if he gets called out.

Double Texting – The act of sending two texts in a row without a response.  In a dating situation, if you regularly have to double text to get a response, it makes you look desperate or needy.

Drive-By – An act mostly employed by insecure men after they get dumped.  It can take place after just one date or a lengthy significant relationship.  The dumpee regularly drives by the home and/or work of the dumper.  They also monitor social media accounts such as Facebook.  The dumpee will “like” and comment on the dumper’s social media posts in the false hope of them getting back together again.  The dumpee may also frequent places they hung out together, hoping to accidentally-on-purpose cross paths with the dumper.  The dumpee doesn’t realize that this clingy and insecure behavior is what got them dumped in the first place. The Drive-By is extremely creepy behavior.  It NEVER crosses the mind of a 50 Dater.  Ever.

DTR – Define the Relationship is an event that takes place between a couple where they discuss the status of their romantic relationship: dating, serious, casual, friends, friends with benefits, etc. When a woman initiates the conversation, it’s usually to take things to the next level. When a man initiates it, it’s typically for lockdown purposes.

Dumping – The act of ending a dating relationship. This is done by women in 9 out of 10 cases, when a man stops behaving like a man and turns into a serial pleaser or a lazy guy.  Men are often surprised when they get dumped.  It is less common for men to dump women because most men would rather hold on to what they have than get back out in the dating pool and face rejection.

Electronic Vanity Validation – The act of seeking personal validation through social media in the form of likes and right swipes, instead of actually meeting in person or face-to-face.

Fauxbae’ing – The act of arranging your social media profile to make it look like you have a boyfriend/girlfriend even though you’re actually single.  This is used to make an ex jealous, to stop your friends from giving you a hard time about still being single, or to make it look like you’re very popular.  Examples: Pictures where you are dancing, sleeping, or at mixed singles’ activities.

Flannel Nightgown (aka “Comfort Love”) – A relationship condition where sexual/sensual/erotic energy is replaced by an affectionate, cozy, and amicable bond. Reversing this relationship predicament back in the erotic direction requires space or distance between the couple, as discussed in Ester Perel’s book Mating in Captivity. 

Flexting – Trying to impress or show-off to someone with braggadocious text messages before the first meeting.  This is similar to a man flexing his muscles in an attempt to excite and amaze a woman.  It’s usually women who are on the receiving end of flexting.

Fear of Missing Out (FOMO) – When an individual has to be online extensively with social media or dating apps because they fear they might miss out on something. They’re always on their phone scanning emails, texts, and social media posts.

Freckling – The act of engaging in a short-term dating relationship with someone through the summertime.

Fusion – A phenomenon that produces a combination of dependency, neediness, boredom, and resentment.  It occurs when a couple spends too much time around each other.  One or both in the couple cease to do the activities that initially made them attractive to the other.  They expect the other person to fill the hole that is created, and the phenomenon then takes over.  Many a man or woman can attribute the cause of many failed relationships in their past to Fusion.  Newly dating couples who are seeing each other 4 or 5 days a week are on a collision course with Fusion.  This is why most men get dumped by surprise within a few months.

Gatsbying – The act of posting a specific picture on a social media or dating profile to get the attention of a particular individual.

Glamboozled – An occurrence where a person gets primped and dressed up for a date only to have the other person torpedo it at the last moment.   Also referred to as “all dressed up and no place to go.”

Ghostbusting – 1. Continuing to message someone after they have ghosted you.  Men are prone to doing this when it should be obvious that the woman they are messaging has displayed a lack of interest by not responding.  2. Sending cute or flirty messages to multiple people at once in an attempt to reengage a conversation and get a date.

Ghosting – Dropping all communication and not returning a text, email, or voicemail message on purpose.  This is used to passively send a message to a date that you are no longer interested in dating them. Ghosting needs to be taken at face value and treated as a demonstration of non-interest.  Most 50 Daters have probably found that, in many instances, letting a person know they are no longer interested results in an unfavorable exchange that may include lashing out.  After going through this a few times, ghosting looks preferable.  Not all ghosting is intentional.  Sometimes, people are busy; however, from a dating perspective, this means they are not truly interested in dating you.  See “Soft Ghosting” and “Ghost Busting.”

Good Guy – A confident man who lives by and trusts his value set. He has well-defined boundaries and holds firm to them. He does not abuse power, but rather uses it to bring others up around him. He is not hesitant to take charge of a situation or clearly express his thoughts when standing up for his values.   He is respectful yet doesn’t allow himself to be intimidated or bullied. He is also authentic and acts with chivalry. This is how 50 Dater men behave.  (See Bad Boy and Nice Guy.)

Good Tired – How one feels the day after they go out on a great date that runs too late.  Other variations of Good Tired include how one feels after a good physical workout or after a day of quality time pursuing their passions or goals.

John Stamos Rule – A litmus test that 50 Dater men use when a date is canceled or broken.  Simply put, if John called the gal you want to date, would she clear her schedule to meet him? Absolutely.  Women in our age group recognize John as the heartthrob Uncle Jessie from Full House.  Other such heartthrobs include Hugh Jackman, Jon Bon Jovi, Antonio Banderas, and George Clooney.  Most women would completely rearrange their schedules for a date with one of these men. If she really likes you, she will make herself available in this same way.  If she doesn’t, then you know where you stand. For the two exceptions to this rule, see “Broken Date.”

Leykis 101 – A set of dating rules for men advocated by Tom Leykis during his syndicated radio program from 1994 to 2009.  Leykis 101 male students are schooled on how to date attractive women who have low self-esteem by impersonating a jerk on a thrift store budget.  The rules can help female students understand how men who are jerks think.  The Leykis 101 Classroom Rules are posted on Urban Dictionary.   They make for a humorous look at the self-indulgent male ego.

Lockdown – A method employed by insecure men to take a woman off the dating market.  Lockdown becomes necessary when a man does not have the confidence or ability to compete with other potential suitors.  It manifests itself as him asking a woman to explore an exclusive relationship within the first few dates.  Women need to beware of lockdown artists, as they often fit the nice guy profile.  Women are very susceptible to lockdown if their level of infatuation or attraction is high and they are going through oneitis. 50 Dater men do not need to lock a woman down.

Maybe – A term that, when used by a woman, is a nice way of saying “no.”  When most men hear the word “maybe” from women,” they interpret it to mean, “You’ve got a good chance, and things are definitely going in your favor.”

Maybe Date – A date that almost never takes place.  The Maybe Date is the ultimate insult and a waste of one’s most valuable commodity: time.  The Maybe Date manifests itself in the form of a woman responding to a date request with something like, “Maybe, I’ll have to check my schedule and get back to you,” or “Maybe, I have a friend I have to pick up at the airport that day.  Call me to confirm an hour before the date.”  The Maybe Date is often used to keep multiple stacked dates in the queue in case a primary date falls through.  Men are especially susceptible to this because of the way they interpret the word “maybe” in dating and relationships.  (See “Maybe.”) 50 Dater men and women never agree to Maybe Dates.

Meetup Date – A date where you meet at a neutral location. Due to women’s experiences with Nice Guys and Stalkers, meetup dates are the norm, especially in online dating.  These dates can easily continue until a woman builds up a reasonable level of trust in a man.  50 Dater men respect this.  However, continual insistence on meetup dates can be a red flag that one party is trying to hide something from the other.

Needy – A person in a dating relationship who requires an annoying amount of attention, to the point of becoming repulsive.  This mostly affects men.  Signs of neediness include clingy behavior such as constantly texting or calling, getting upset when their partner doesn’t quickly respond to their text messages, being unable do anything without their partner, refusing to let their partner doing anything without them, attempting to isolate their partner, manufacturing drama, creating ultimatums, and continuously monitoring their partner’s social media accounts.  This is typical Nice Guy behavior, easy to spot in a man when attempts to lock a woman down and create an exclusive dating relationship within the first few dates.

Nice Guy – Also known as a “beta male.” Typical characteristics include a lack of confidence in their self-worth or value.  Nice Guys embrace the role of serial pleasers and are inclined to be passive-aggressive.  They adjust their moral compasses to fit any given situation. Because beta males lead a subjugated life, they tend to have years of suppressed feelings and disappointment lurking deep inside.  These feelings are just waiting to erupt. Research has shown that Nice Guys look for women they can push around or who need to be rescued and then tend to become abusive.  (See Bad Boy and Good Guy.)

One-Hour One-Drink Rule – Rule applies to the consumption of adult beverages in social situations. When alcohol is involved, thou shall not consume more than one drink per hour. This is common sense. Since initial meet-up or acquaintanceship meetings should last only 45 minutes to one hour, one drink is the limit.  Exceeding this number is a very high indicator of other underlying issues.

Oneitis – A condition marked by single-minded behavior such as fixating one’s thoughts about current activities and future life events on one specific man or woman.  These thoughts can be intentional or unintentional and occur well before the dating relationship has had a chance to mature.  Examples consist of concluding there is no other in the world like him or her, imagining what it would be like moving in together, and having them meet your family.  Oneitis is dangerous in that you are likely to ignore or dismiss red flags and questionable behavior.

Orbiter – A person, generally a man, who hangs around in the background waiting for an opportunity to date a particular woman.  Orbiters are most easily recognizable as single men lurking on women’s social media account(s).  They always comment on how attractive the women look when they post.  Women who use dating websites to validate themselves prefer to keep Orbiters around as backup plans in case things do not go well with the guys they are currently dating.  Orbiters are often Nice Guys who have been “friend-zoned.”  They hang around falsely believing a second chance will come their way.  They can serve as useful voluntary stooges for dinner, drinks, and an occasional concert.

Pictures – A critical item 90% of men and women ignore when creating their dating profiles.  High-quality photos make a profile, while low-quality and socially inept photos are the most common cause of failure in the online dating experience.  Common photo mistakes made in dating profiles include:

  • Blurry on Purpose – A photo that is blurred or fuzzy.
  • Clandestine Combination – A group of several different photos showing an individual in several different settings, but after the photos are viewed, the viewer still doesn’t really know what the profile owner looks like.
  • Leads with Sunglasses – The primary picture features the profile owner wearing sunglasses. It is likely that the rest of the secondary profile photos also contain sunglasses with one photo without sunglasses from a distance.
  • Portrait Collage – Most, if not all, the profile photos are portraits taken from the neck up. In many instances, they are a variation of the same picture, like a series of selfies taken within a few minutes. This neck-up photo collage is particularly popular with centaurs and mermaids.
  • The Cleavage Distractor – A selfie taken by a woman from a sharp above angle that reveals the contents of her low cut top. Very popular on Tinder.
  • The Hunk – Another men’s favorite, where a shirtless photo shows the profile owner’s well-toned physique in true bromantic fashion.
  • The Bathroom Selfie – This is a men’s classic. Fundamentals include no shirt, an unshaven face, the toilet seat up, clothes on the floor, a cluttered counter, and a towel around the waist with an unmade bed visible through the doorway. Wedding ring is optional. When women do this, it’s for a full-body shot and may show the same items in the background as in the men’s photos.  It is common for women take these in classy restrooms, where the mirrors have generous coverage that will emphasize their outfits.
  • The BFF – A picture taken with one or more friends. When used as a primary photo, it is meant to disguise the identity of the profile owner. The least attractive person in the photo is almost always the owner. It is very common for all the pictures in a profile to be variations of the BFF.
  • The Chameleon – A photo where the person is wearing clothing that matches the color of the background, making their body contours challenging to see. The colors are often in dark shades.
  • The Filter – A photo filtered with colors and dressed up with whiskers, large funny eyes, cat ears, a unicorn horn, or nose decorations.
  • The Grandchild – A picture of a man holding his infant grandchild; in many instances, he holds the grandchild like a trophy fish.
  • The Landscape – Typical examples are a field with flowers and a cityscape with no people. These are the only photo(s) in this profile.
  • The Mystery Date – A profile with no photos posted.
  • The Party Animal – A photo very commonly used by men, where the profile owner is in a bar or at a party, drinks in hand, apparently interacting with several off-duty Hooter’s waitresses.
  • The Pets – Most, if not all, the profile photos feature the profile owner’s dogs/cats/snakes. The profile owner may appear in just one of the photos or in none of them at all.
  • The Trophy Fish – A picture of a person (usually a man) holding a freshly caught trophy fish. This usually follows the grandchild photo.
  • The Sportsman – A picture with freshly taken game from a recent hunting trip. Guys, male bonding activities are good. Pictures of you posing with dead animals on your dating profile are not so good. These photos will not impress women; they will only impress other men.
  • The WTF – A photo that makes you wonder what was going through the profile owner’s mind when they decided to include it in their profile. For women, posting photos with celebrities like Charlie Sheen or your favorite member of KISS is just not a good idea. For men, what’s the deal with stag party stripper photos?
  • Unidentified Human Object – A photo taken a long distance away from the featured person, making it difficult to identify them.
  • Winter Wonderland – A photo where heavy winter clothing is used to disguise the physical shape of an individual. These are often the only body picture in a profile.

Picture-Only Dating Profile – A dating profile that primarily consists of posted pictures, with almost nothing filled out except minimal information such as age, height, and location.  The Summary or About Me section is either blank or says something like, “I’ll fill this in later.”  These profiles are glaring red flags and are to be avoided.   This is the profile of someone who has always been able to get by on their looks.  Posters of this kind of profile tend to be of the very attractive high-maintenance/low self-esteem Leykis 101 types or are catfishers.

Professing – An irrevocable act committed early in a dating relationship that demonstrates a lack of self-control and romantic awareness.  This is often performed by men, especially Nice Guys, who prematurely declare their love for a woman they are dating or are friends with.  When dating, early professing takes place within two to five dates or shortly after the couple becomes intimate.  Or, when a man and a woman are friends, the man will profess his secretly kept love for her in order to demonstrate that he is worthy of an intimate relationship.  Professing, while commonly shown by Hollywood as being successful in winning women over, is, in reality, very creepy and has the complete opposite effect.

Projection – The act of telegraphing your personal mindset, dilemmas, and behavior patterns consciously or unconsciously. For example: when you read in a dating profile that someone “doesn’t do drama,” it’s very likely they are the cause of much of it; a person gets cheated on or stalked by their ex and now believes all men or women are suspected cheaters or stalkers who cannot be trusted; a bad past dating or relationship experience is projected unto a new potential partner. 50 Daters keep their projections in check. They learn from their experiences and use them to fine-tune their filtering system. A date’s potential projection issues can be easily be identified in their dating profile, on the first phone call, or within the first few dates.

Right Swipe Discipline – Suppressing your desire to continue swiping right on new profiles on dating apps like Bumble and Tinder.  Discipline is necessary when you are working with several current profiles.  You need to wait and see how things play out.  Failure to practice Right Swipe Discipline results in the Candy Store Effect.

Roasting – An intentional, light-hearted form of teasing, mocking, or poking fun at someone.  It is used to send an indirect message through the use of cynical humor and a touch of snark.  While Roasting may be useful in calling someone out, it will create a memory with animosity attached to it.  Roasting can occur between men in a competitive situation like a pickup basketball game with no adverse results.  However, it should never be used between a man and a woman in any type of relationship.  NEVER use Roasting in a text message exchange.

Romance Inequality – A highly contested social issue that California politicians are solving.  They’ve deemed it unfair that some men are more romantic than others.  Now all men must be equally romantic to all women.  Current legislative drafts require all men’s dating profiles to portray them as a cross between a Player, a Bad Boy, and Pepé Le Pew.  Photoshopping will be mandatory to give all men the physical features and hairstyle of Fabio Lanzoni.  Political opponents are concerned the bill could create a romance black market.

Schadenfreude – A word from the German language that best explains the joyful feeling that comes when karma intervenes as a direct result of someone’s self-indulgent actions.  (What goes around comes around.) For example, you get dumped by someone in an undignified and unclassy way because they’ve found a perceived “better option.” Later you learn the “better option” was not as advertised, making the person’s life who dumped you a living hell of drama.  It is very common to experience a higher level of schadenfreude for each new detail you hear about.  People experiencing schadenfreude are often heard to exclaim, “Wow, that couldn’t happen to a nicer person” as chickens come home to roost for the person that disrespected them.  It is imperative to note that a 50 Dater would never take any negative action in the form of payback to create schadenfreude.

Second Chance – Not to be confused with getting back together with an ex.  50 Daters understand that there is no second chance in that case.  True Second Chances happen between a man and woman who were unable to get together previously due to timing or scheduling.  The dividing line is intimacy and past respectful treatment of each other.  If they have not been intimate and either got along well or suffered from a misunderstanding, a Second Chance is possible.  In online dating, there is an unwritten rule that once messaging stalls, the window of opportunity to meet closes rather quickly.  Six to twelve months generally must pass for a successful Second Chance to develop online.

Serendipidating – Is the belief and practice of putting off a currently scheduled date down the road to a different day, or canceling it altogether.  It is done on the unlikely chance you may miss out on a better date with someone else.  Serendipidaters believe fate is on their side and that the bigger, better deal is just around the corner.  They live in a constant state of FOMO.  (Fear of Missing Out).

Serial Dating – The act of dating indiscriminately for the thrill of the chase.  Serial Daters tend to lack a moral code of conduct, as no one is off-limits for a quick dating adventure.  They feed off of lust and the mutual infatuation where you completely click on the first meetup.  (This is also known as the “Love at First Sight” feeling.)  They soak up the high they get from the first few dates but quickly become bored and move on, seeking the next infatuation high.  Serial Dating is similar to Catch and Release.

Shaveducking – 1. The act of realizing that your partner is not as handsome without a beard.  2. The experience of being uncertain whether you are intrigued by a man or by his beard.

Single Mom – A divorced, widowed, or unmarried woman who has one or more young children at home.  Due to her commitment and responsibilities to her children, she is an exception to many of the standard dating rules.  For example, she is allowed to break dates at the last minute due to unexpected developments with her children.  Men need to understand that dating a Single Mom requires understanding, patience, and flexibility.

Soft Ghosting – A text messaging technique where a party that is no longer interested in dating replies to message(s) with a “like” instead of a worded message. This is a polite hint that they are moving on. A soft ghost offers the ghoster a calculated fallback position. If they ever cross paths with the ghostee down the road, they can say they responded to when they really didn’t. Soft ghosting also puts the ghostee into a double-texting position, inadvertently making them look needy.

Social Violation – The act of breaking the rules of common courtesy in a dating or social situation. Examples include not showing up for a date, ghosting, kissing and telling, roasting, behaving badly, drinking too much, arguing, and picking fights.

Spilling Your Guts – A conversation or series of discussions, initiated mostly by men and insecure women, where they tell their date everything about themselves and their feelings towards their date.  This almost always takes place within the first three dates. Brainwashed by Hollywood movies, men, in particular, are under the impression that this is very attractive to women.  Men are led to think this demonstrates vulnerability as defined by articles on modern dating websites.  Hollywood has made many romance movies showing men spilling their guts to women and women finding this to be very attractive.  This is a half-truth.  A woman may find the act to be engaging in that moment; however, her level of attraction towards the man will quickly begin to diminish.  This happens because the man is no longer a mystery to her.

There – A common, unwitting text and email message substitute mistaken for “their” or “they’re.”

Three-Strike Rule – An obsolete dating rule where one party waits for any combination of three mistakes or signs of non-attraction before moving on. Strike examples can include unreturned voicemails or text messages, broken dates, or social violations during a date. The harsh reality in online dating is that this has been reduced to a One-Strike Rule. This is due to the large pool of options encountered online. The Three-Strike Rule may be relevant if a man and woman are introduced through friends or in their social circles, as both have some social clout to back up their character.

Tindstagrammer – An insecure man who purposefully bypasses the mutual right swipe filter on Tinder and goes directly to the woman’s Instagram profile to DM her from there.

Type-casting – Dating people based upon their listed Love Languages or Myers-Briggs category.

Two-Sentence Rule – Used in ending a dating relationship. Generally speaking, when breaking up with someone whom you’ve been dating for a few weeks to a few months, less is more. Whatever needs to be said can be said best in two sentences or less, as seen in Dating Essentials for Men by Dr. Robert Glover. This book has an entire detailed chapter on ending dating relationships in a humane manner.

Vulnerability – A quality seen in men who carry themselves with a high degree of confidence and who are willing to face and accept rejection in their pursuit of women. Men commonly confuse vulnerability with spilling their guts, or opening up all their feelings and inner secrets to a woman within the first or second date. There is no recovery or follow-up date after a man spills his guts.