I met a man in February, and we’ve been going on dates and talking for almost five months. We have a great connection. He has a great job and a busy schedule working. Even with the lockdown, we see each other once or twice a week. Is it normal that he doesn’t text me every day? There are days when he will at least call and ask me how my day was, and I still see him on weekends, and we have fun on our dates. So is it normal for him not to text and call every day as long as we continue to see each other? This is the opposite of what other men I’ve dated do. – Melanie, 53, Orange County, CA
Lucky you! Sounds like this guy has some real potential. From what you’ve described, he’s doing everything right. I’m willing to bet he will continue to grow on you.
Let me address the text messaging issue first. Most men in our age group, after they discover text messaging, regress into millennial-hood. They overuse this medium, thinking it’s a great way to stay in touch. However, texting should be limited to short messages and logistical communication instead of the constant “how is your morning,” “mid-morning,” “afternoon,” “mid-afternoon,” “dinner,” and “evening.” Less is more. It’s also very easy for someone to get the wrong impression from a text. Albert Hehrabian’s 7-38-55 Rule of Personal Communication states that 93% of communication consists of body language and voice tonality, which is completely missing from text messages. This leaves us just a comma or misunderstood word away from a messaging disaster. I can tell you this from personal experience.
It’s also good that he does not call you every day. Conversation is better face-to-face, where all forms of personal communication are present. Additionally, the time gaps between communication are where you think about him, creating stronger attraction and desire. He appears to understand this. He also seems committed to his own pursuits, which makes him even more attractive. Would you rather have him entirely sacrifice his job or passion for you, making you the sole object of his time and attention? Most men do that, and while it will be thrilling at first, it will eventually create Fusion, which will push you away from each other. Instead, he is coming on slowly, allowing time for things to develop, and holding onto what makes him unique. He sounds like he could be a proper 50 Dater.
Note: Fusion is described in the Glossary